Talking or Listening, what’s more important?
Communication is a two way street. While one person speaks, the opposite person/audience shall Listen.While Listening & Speaking are both related to our auditory sensory system, both require different set of skillsets.
Let us first understand the importance of why do we speak or why do we need to listen?
Speaking is the act of conveying/expressing one’s thoughts or feelings on a particular topic. The very purpose of speaking is to convey your point of view on a specific subject matter. Sometimes we speak to educate, sometimes we speak to express, sometimes we speak to get your point across to the audience listening to you. Speaking is one of the most basic skills yet the most critical one since humankind has evolved. Withouht speaking, neither you nor your colleagues/personnel would know what your thinking or what’s going on inside your brain.
Yes, there are two types of human beings today — extroverts & introverts. Extroverts are those who are greagrious and unreserved. Whereas introverts are those who are reserved or shy and enjoy spending time alone. Now there is a third category too — ambiverts — a person who has characteristics of both ambiverts & extroverts. While some of us are born as extroverts or introverts. Some of us have to make the transition from being shy & timid to being confident in expressing your thoughts and opinions. This may sound easy but for whom this is a personality trait it can take a while to change your nature.
Being an extrovert, introvert or ambivert, we all have to find ways to expressing our thoughts. Best way to express our thoughts is by Speaking. Speaking is critical — some use it in the right way and some completely misuse it. Being a good orator is a skill which will be instantly recognized by anyone you interact with. But being a dominant speaker & not a great listener will be equally noticed by people as well.
There is a very thin line between — being a brilliant speaker & an exceptional listener. You may be a good speaker, but its pivotal to be an attentive listener. Listening and speaking both hold weightage today, but according to me being an exceptional Listener will automatically result in you being a good speaker.
There are several traits that make a good speaker & a good listener. A good speaker shall always keep it to the point — short & sweet, but at the same time be confident about what they are saying. They should know their audience and be able to connect with them. They should be able to paint a picture by storytelling. Most importantly, the speaker must “Be Yourself” otherwise nothing said will feel authentic & genuine.
Similarly, there are several traits that make a good listener. Good listeners are those who are fully present in the moment. They listen, but dont respond or react until the opposite person has completed speaking. They do not interrupt, they listen more than they can speak, have an active body language. Most importantly good listeners are patient & they are listening to learn. Good listeners are genuinely curious and always ready to take in new information.
Many a times, I have observed that people only listen to 25–30% of what you have said and already have something to say or interrupt your flow. Why is this the case? Its because people are in a hurry to share their point of view or their input. Sometimes they feel they have an answer for any question or point raised and they have the end all solution for all issues or problems.
What differentiates an excellent listener from a not so attentive one is PATIENCE. Saying less and listening more has various benefits for yourself & the opposite person as well. The person doing the talking will feel caredunderstood & cared and this will create a powerful bond as well. If you’re a person of few words, every word said by you will be considered important and given much more weightage than just randomly blabbering information on a certain topic with half knowledge. Who would you listen to more closely? Someone who never shuts up or someone who speaks once in a while?
Abraham Lincoln once said “ Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.” This doesnt mean you don’t speak but when you do speak,be confident about what you say & what you are trying to convey. Say it with complete confidence, with facts in hand and information to back it up. Many a times, people want to give their opinion but they are usually baseless and not backed up with concrete information.
We have two ears and one mouth, going by that you can think that a 2:1 ratio when listening and speaking would be a good thumb rule to go by.Will leave you with this parting quote — “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” — Stephen R. Covey
